Just Change My Oil!

I don't want a new air filter
I don't want a new fuel filter
I don't want you to offer me a radiator flush
I don't want to hear it's time for me to have my transmission checked
I don't want an oil upgrade
I don't want you to incoherently run through a list of meaningless things you checked out before making me pay
I don't want you to ask me if my contact information is still accurate

JUST CHANGE MY OIL!