All Hallow's Eve

It's frigid again this year. One year, I'm going to take my kids trick-or-treating without contracting hypothermia.

I have no costume this year, I'm simply "KU Alumni guy" with my Jayhawk sweatshirt and hat.

Last year, I photocopied 5 images of a hand pointing, and on each one separately I wrote:

Total Depravity
Unconditional Election
Limited Atonement
Irrestible Grace
Perserverance of the Saints

Then I attached them to my clothes...I was 'The 5 points of Calvinism'

I was going to get a milk carton, typing paper and white tissue paper, crumple them all up and wear a trash bag as a skirt and go as 'white trash' but when you only have one co-worker, the fun is kinda lost.

**Disclaimer** the term 'white trash' is not meant to disrespect or demean anyone(s) in particular.

Wow, it's dark out

we all set our clocks back last night (except in Indiana and Arizona) and I have 2 things to say

1. This experience changes dramatically when you have kids. They have no concept of 'an extra hour to sleep in' so if they usually get up at 8, they're getting up at 7 now. Ugh.

2. This happens every year. In fact, twice a year. Every time, someone manages to state the obvious...something along these lines.

"Wow, it's light/dark out so much earlier/later"

This should be high on the list of totally obvious statements otherwise intelligent people make. Right up there with "You should have thought about getting a tatoo when you were sober"

Meet Me in St. Louis

Highlights from my trip to St. Louis to interview with Joyce Meyer Ministries.

Rediscovering Humidity
Friday morning, 8:30am. I step outside to head off to my appointment. I am shocked at very cold it feels. I swear it's 15-20 degrees colder than any morning so far in Colorado this fall and it has already snowed here. Winter is bad...Summer is worse.

Fun On An Airplane
I rode there and back on an EMB145 which if you're not familiar, is the equivalent of a flying MRI machine. At least I had a window seat...oh, wait, they're ALL window seats.
Other observations from my window seat

• The Missouri river is BIG. Very, very large. Certainly large enough for riverboat casinos for every state it traverses.
• My inbound flight path took us over downtown St. Louis where I had a unique, bird's-eye-view of the new baseball venue and the former, soon-to-be-demolished-into-dust Busch Stadium. The new ballpark is being built adjacent to the old Busch and from an airplane I swear it looks as though it's one stadium shedding its skin and emerging fresh and new.
• Anyone who says we're running out of room on Earth to hold any more people has never flown from St. Louis to Denver in the daytime with a window seat. There's nothing out there, folks. Go start your own city, there's plenty of room.

The Spirit of St. Louis
Overall, it reminds me of Kansas City a lot. It's a major city, on a river which bisects two states with a lot of highways to get around. I visited "The Hill" which is the Italian section of St. Louis. I stopped at Amaghetti's (thanks Cade) and it was wonderfully delicious although the employees resembled Northern Europeans more than Italians which ruined the atmosphere slightly.
I drove by the Arch. It's still there. In fact, it was the 40th anniversary of its opening. Congratulations, St. Louis. You not only build the country's largest tourist trap, you've kept it upright for 4 decades. "They" say it has generated a lot of revenue for the city. In that regard, I find it slightly more honorable than the lottery.

Joyce Meyer Ministries
The overall outdoor appearance of this facility is amazing. The landscaping is pristine. It could be a golf course. There are no fewer than 60 fifty-feet-tall flagpoles lining the entrance road which comes complete with a gated and manned security entrance a quarter-mile from the building. Dark red brick with dark grey reflective windows backdrop a rock fountain providing the island of a covered rotunda entrance.

Inside, just as fancy. Faux (I'm assuming it's fake) marble tile reflect the overhead lighting provided by two crystal chandeliers. The broadcast area is painted awesome shades of green, crimson and blue. In fact, one hallway might was well be Jayhawk Blvd. the colors match perfectly (reminds me of Vagabond Records). The bathrooms are immaculate and more opulent than some of the nicest restaurants I've been to. They did an excellent job constructing this place.

Concerning employment...

pluses

• Cadillac health insurance. 100% paid by Joyce Meyer Ministries (JMM)
• Top of the line equipment, video and audio editing facilities second to none.
• Big offices, a consequence of a recently constructed building no doubt.
• Dress code. This is a big deal for me having been forcibly confined to a shirt and tie my entire career in an industry where khakis and a dress shirt is the equivalent of a three-piece-suit. They have a business casual with Fridays being totally casual. I happened to visit on a Friday and it looked more like a college campus than a workplace. Men are allowed to don earrings...open toed shoes are ok. I cannot tell you how progressive this is for a Christian ministry workplace.

Minuses

• 2 weeks vacation. I'm used to 3, maybe I'm spoiled, but it's a decrease no matter how you look at it.
• Pentecostalism - a majority of employees are Pentecostal (charismatic) Christians. This only bothers me in an emotional way as I've had poor experiences with this type of Christianity in the past. I think it will be different in a non-church environment, but it will no doubt be something I'll have to work through.
• Compensation - only in that I have no idea what this job pays. I was hoping to gain some insight but no information was freely given. This could turn into a plus depending on the number.
• Location - Fenton, MO. It seems nice but the nearby housing is limited and expensive which undoubtedly means a commute of 30+ minutes would likely be involved. Also, Missouri is not Colorado. As hard as I've been on St. Louis in the past, I'm conceding that it is a great place to live, but it's not Colorado.

Unfortunately, as in most cases, it comes down to money. I wish it didn't, but it's the only unknown factor that I can ascertain before deciding. Of course, there is no formal offer on the table as of this post, but I'd be surprised if I didn't hear from them very soon.

In the meantime, it's good to be back home.

Happy 20th Anniversary!

This day was the single greatest day of my entire childhood.

20 years later and it's still very sweet.


October 27, 1985 at Royals Stadium (Kansas City Royals)
St. Louis Cardinals 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 - 0 5 0
Kansas City Royals 0 2 3 0 6 0 0 0 X - 11 14 0
PITCHERS: STL - Tudor, Campbell (3), Lahti (5), Horton (5), Andujar (5), Forsch (5), Dayley (7)
KCR - Saberhagen
WP - Saberhagen
LP - Tudor
SAVE - none
HOME RUNS: STL - none KCR - Motley
ATTENDANCE: 41,658

Fun 1985 World Series Trivia
*The Cardinals' .185 batting average was the lowest ever for a seven game World Series.
*Denkinger is regarded by Cardinals fans to be sole cause of the 1985 'Runnin Redbirds' Implosion in games 6 & 7. He was voted as the #1 'Worst St. Louis Sports Personality' in 1996 by (St. Louis' NBC affiliate) KSDK Sports Anchor Mike Bush (#2 was Bill Bidwill and #3 was Mike Keenan)
*Cardinals manager Whitey Herzog was ejected in Game 7 by the home plate umpire Don Denkinger, who infamously called Jorge Orta safe at first in Game 6. When asked why he would allow himself to get ejected from the seventh game of the World Series, Herzog said, "I've seen enough!"
*The day before starting Game 7, World Series MVP Bret Saberhagen's wife Janeane gave birth to the couples first child, Drew William. In the 8th inning of Game 7, Saberhagen looked directly towards ABC's cameras and asked his wife over the air, "Is the baby still there?"
*John Tudor was so enraged by his performance in Game 7 (allowing five earned runs and four walks in 2 1/3 innings) that he took a punch at an electric fan afterwards. The fan got the better of the encounter.
*This was the first World Series featuring Tim McCarver, who called the game with Al Michaels and Jim Palmer for ABC. Howard Cosell was originally supposed to be in the booth but was removed just prior to the World Series because of the controversy surrounding his book "I Never Played the Game"
*Game 6 hero Dane Iorg's nose was broken when his teammates (led by 230-pound pitcher Mike Jones) mobbed him after his game winning hit in Game 6.
*Perhaps the most memorable image of the series was George Brett racing over to tightly hug Bret Saberhagen after the clinching out. Just moments earlier, Brett approached Saberhagen at the mound and told him to stick around to watch the final out

This one didn't count I'm afraid

<----------------------

Background Music

I say there should be a rule about pop music's use in television commericals. Unless it is a commercial for a movie, any song that spent any time in the top 20 (some of us call that the Ryan Seacrest radio show) is off limits for 10 years.

Case in point...The Cardigans "Love Fool" was on some spot the other day...this suprised me somewhat, it was released in 1997 on the Romeo & Juliet soundtrack, it debuted at #1 in the US...it was just sort of a head jerk thing to hear it on tv...a couple of more years, it would have been ok.

The Cars "Just What I Needed" is Circut City's theme song now(rolling eyes). Well within the allowed time frame, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.

But Special K cereal had a recent spot with Collective Soul's "Better Now" which was released last November. I'm not ready to hear this song anywhere on television except a movie spot and that movie had better not be a chick flick. But a freaking cereal commercial??? I've been over the lyrics to this song, and I'm not sure what it's about, but I'm pretty darn sure it's not about cereal or working out or an improved diet.

Other examples? Other rules??

Say Goodnight, Larry

After driving like a madman to get home, the only thing sweeter than a 5-1 Astros lead was the great priviledge of seeing Larry Walker stand with the bat on his shoulder as he watched strike 3 blow right by him.
Happy retirement, Larry. The frustration I feel over your play in Colorado after '97 and your opportunity to play in the post-season somewhere else is greatly softened by your exclusion to the World Series.
Bagwell and Biggio are much more deserving.

7 or less games left to go...Astros in 5.

Five Random Things, Mid-October Style

1. I grew a goatee for 6 weeks. I just shaved it off. It's remarkable to me how much different I look to myself. I'm doing double takes in the mirror. Someone must explain to me how I could be staring at the same face in the mirror for 30 years and in 6 weeks my brain forgets what I used to look like without facial hair. Chalk it up to too much beer...speaking of which.

2. I accomplished one of life's greatest achievements a few days ago...I completed the 110 beer tour at Old Chicago's. What this means is over the last 10 years, I've purchased and presumably drank 110 different beers at one restaurant chain. Pathetic, perhaps...but I'm only 10 pounds heavier than I was 10 years ago which I guess means when I'm 80 I'm gonna weigh190. For those of you good at math, you can now calculate my weight. For those of you who went to K-State, just know that I'm skinny.

3. Cold medication purchase at Wal-Mart.
Much has been said vilifying Wal-Mart and until now I've defended Sam Walton's creation...but they've gone too far this time. Last night I stopped by to purchase the greatest non-drowsy cold medication invented, Advil Cold & Sinus, which is normally in large supply.
Well instead of boxes of Advil Cold & Sinus there were, in their place, plastic cards which looked like the front of a box of Advil Cold & Sinus. This was true for all cold medication. This card instructed me to take the Advil Cold & Sinus card to the Pharmaceutical counter where they would, hopefully, give me a box in exchange for this plastic facsimile. Well the Pharmacy was closed so I guess I'm gonna have to go somewhere else, but out of the corner of my eye I spot two boxes of Advil Cold & Sinus so I quickly grab one and proceed to the checkout.
After making my purchase, I stroll through the exit and the alarm goes off. Less than a second later, I'm being accosted by a grandmother holding some electrical device. Asking to see my receipt, I gladly comply. She remarks, "Looks like you have some cold medication." She checked my bag to ensure that I indeed meant to buy Advil Cold & Sinus.
When did purchasing cold medication become the equivalent of buying tobacco or a gun? It's over-the-counter medication, and last I checked, doesn't require a license or 5-day waiting period or even a minimum age. If this has already happened elsewhere and we're not just a test market...please let me know what in the world is going on.

4. "Listen to Your Heart" wasn't that great the first time around.

5. Prediction...in two years, 50% of adults won't recognize either of these names...John Roberts and Harriet Miers.

Memories Stolen

Albert Pujols just took away one of my life's greatest memories, watching Larry Walker bat for the last time. It was picture perfect too...Walked grounded out to the pitcher and he immediately slowed down to a near walk, then the pitcher bobbled the ball and Walker starts 'sprinting' up the line and is out by a half-step. Absolutely classic Larry Walker.

"Could have been so beautiful. Could have been so right."
--Debbie Gibson

//getting serious//

Meanwhile, those left behind in Houston must now suffer the ill-effects of a punch in the stomach which can only be overcome by a win in St. Louis. Otherwise, it will be a very long off-season in Texas.

If you're a fan of the Astros, especially if you were at the game, do you ever overcome something like that in your lifetime? Riding such an emotional high. One out away.
I actually started to empathize with the children who were in attendance who were undoubtedly crying as they left tonight holding the hand of their father who had some dust in his eyes too.

High School Females Maintain High-giene Standard

Orange County, CA - A recent study of 10th and 11th grade students shows that the girls are much less likely than the guys to attract insects. Simply put, they're cleaner.
A suprising 73% of girls said they bathed more than once a day once a week and just 12% of guys responded as such. At the same time, just 58% of guys admitted to bathing every day.
"As a guy, it's just, like, you know, not something I like remember to do, like, every day," explained East Valley 11th grader Connor Mitchell.
Sociologist and Psychologist Judy Fretach says there are a combination of factors that contribute to such a trend.
She says, "Nowadays, it's 'cool' for guys to have their hair styled as if they just rolled out of bed and didn't touch it. That increases the temptation to sleep in which cuts into personal hygiene time. Also, with boys looking the way they do I'm sure inspires some of these young women to go home and shower because they just feel dirty."
So as it turns out, when a young lady turns down a date with an 'I've got to wash my hair' excuse, she's probably going to be doing just that.

Cat Whisperer Screams Her Secrets

Youngstown, OH - Here in this working class town, Helen Conrick leads a quiet life as a veterinary assistant. A job which she feels is best suited to someone like her who is able to read the thoughts of cats.
This self-proclaimed ESP guru for felines started a journal almost 17 years ago when she first 'heard' a cat patient speaking to her.
"I kept hearing, 'I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty.' So I instinctively got some water in a bowl and set it down for the cat and he went right to it," Conrick remembers. That's when she claims she tapped into her inner power to read cats' minds, and it's been reaping rewards at the office.
Veterinarian Dr. Tony DiMartini has been practicing for over 25 years. He won't go so far as to say Conrick is a cat medium, but he won't deny there's a special connection between her and cats.
"I remember about 6 years ago we had a large one, I mean about 20, maybe 25 pounds, with a nasty eye infection. Well cats don't like people messin(g) with their eyes as you might guess. Anyways, our little Cat Whisperer over here helped me give the cat a sedative and after a while, she was tellin(g) me that 'he says he's tired now' and it turns out he was. He gave us no problem with those eye drops. Now if that's not a miracle, I don't know what is," said DiMartini.
Employed somewhere else, Conrick admits her clairvoyance into the brain activity of cats might have gone unnoticed.
Conrick explained,"Not too many people would be wanting to know what a cat is thinking. I guess when they pee on your rug or they're coughing up a hairball maybe you'd be curious. But most of the time, when that happens, their instincts take over and they're not thinking anything mean. I would say the most common thought for a cat is probably 'my fur is dirty, I better clean myself.'"
Far from a cat psychologist, but clearly tapped into the otherwise secret thoughts of the cats in this Ohio city, Conrick hopes only that she never encounters a cat that's possessed by a demon.
"That would be my worst nightmare," claims Conrick. "I just would not want to have access to that information. One time I thought maybe we had a satanic cat on our hands, but it turns out, the cat's owners just fed it a lot of beer."

Stepping On Cracks Won't Ruin Your Life Study Says

New York, NY - Researchers at Columbia University in conjunction with Mr. Hensley's 8th grade Algebra class at PS142 presented the results of a 4 month study yesterday designed to study the possible negative effects of stepping on cracked cement. The results are rather conclusive and your Aunt Sue is wrong: Stepping on cracks doesn't give you bad luck.
The idea for the study came after Ryan Parrish, a student at PS142, got his pants caught in the door of a city bus and had to run after the bus in his underwear for several blocks. Several of his classmates reported that they had seen Ryan stepping on cracks earlier in the day and drew their own conclusions.
"I din step on no cracks afder dat cuz I din want no bus stealin myz shorts," a obviously frightened, Greg Yintz reminisced.
But as it turns out, the cracks Ryan stepped on didn't cause his unfortunate de-pantsing.
After following nearly a dozen people for alomst 16 weeks, the researchers found that avoiding cracks doesn't prevent bad things from happening.
Lead reseacher Kim Waterfarm explains one particular instance. "We were following this one chap, and he was stepping around every crack, very deliberately, then, all of the sudden, a pack of ferrets that had escaped from a nearby pet store found their way over to this subject and proceeded to smell him up. Ferrets stink pretty good you know."
47% of the people who stepped on cracks experienced what most would call bad luck. While just 39% of those who avoided cracks escaped the evil trappings of fate.
"I don't want to sound cruel, but near the end, we were trying to push people under ladders, throwing black cats in front of them, just to see if it had any effect," Waterfarm explained. "We don't think it did, except for that one guy who fell into a dumpster where the kids had emptied the contents of several dozen jelly donuts. That was bad."
So continue on your way, stepping on cracks to your heart's content, to wherever it is you're going, assured that bad luck will not necessarily follow you along your way.
Yintz elaborated on his newfound freedom and poor public education all in one when he said, "I'm steppin on allzz da cracks naw, bitch!"